Our silent grief Part 1 1/2 of 3
So I'm throwing in a bonus post here, one that I didn't originally plan on writing. I had a breakthrough last night that I have to share. I have been struggling with something these past several days, wondering why the sorrow that I feel is somewhat different than what I felt when I experienced grief before. I have lost people that are close to me, of course, who hasn't? I have mourned them, missed them and still do at times. This has been a different journey than any other. I've been blaming hormones or maybe since this was the beginnings of a child of mine, and losing a child is an unfathomable loss for a parent to experience. My sadness somehow felt deeper than I had felt before. But there was also another component to it that I couldn't quite pinpoint. Then I realized something, the element that I was missing up until now. It hit me, hard. I feel like I'm alone in this. When someone dies, everyone that knew and cared for that person grieves with you. They support you. You support eachother. These people knew the one that passed, have memeories of them, loved them or cared for them. Even though everyone that is greiving for that person knew them differently, cared for them at different levels and some may feel more sorrow than others. They are all mourning the person that passed, and find solace in the fact that they are not alone in their grief. WIth my miscarriage, the friends and family that surround me didn't know this baby. No one grew to love them, care for them. No one has memories of them. Don't get me wrong, I feel supported by my friends and family. They are there for me, I know. They feel sorry that this happened, they say that their hearts are breaking for me, that they are praying for me, and tell me that they are there if I need anything. I feel their support. But still, no one loved this baby as I did, not even my husband and children. They of course knew about the baby, but didn't feel the attachment yet like I did. I can not seek solace in that there are others grieving this loss of life also. I feel like I'm alone. That's what makes this so much harder. I know that this is a process. I know that I'll make it through. I know that it will get easier and not hurt as much--eventually. Feeling like this is just part of my journey.